You Know How It Feels
by Katie1995
Summary: One-Shot! Esme is furious with Carlisle's decision of abortion in Breaking Dawn. Will they manage to see their own personal struggles and help each other out?


**A/N – (I don't own Twilight or the characters in any way. All credit goes to Stephanie Meyers).**

**You don't know how it feels.**

**Esme's P.O.V.**

"The foetus is too strong, Edward. Without any medical help she'll die."

The family, minus Rosalie, were sat around the kitchen table. Carlisle's voice sounded throughout the room as he managed to so casually talk about Bella's life or death situation.

"So there's nothing we – I – can do?"

Carlisle's eyes found mine before he responded to Edward's question.

"I'm sorry son."

Edward's eyes flashed in anger, and I spoke, still unsure whether my suggestion was good enough or not.

"Carlisle, please. You've done it before; surely you can do it again. I mean, look at us, all of us!" I cried; my head spinning.

"All of us, minus yourself and Jasper, were changed at the last moments of our lives. Surely it can be done with Bella."

He ran his hands through his hair and my children's eyes flickered towards each other in uncertainty.

"I don't know," he continued, slowly, "if it would work with Bella."

Gasps filled the split silence.

"And why not?" I countered.

"Because of the condition she is in." His eyes were staring at me intensely, making me want to look away. "If her heart gives out before she is ready to deliver then we would have already lost her."

"There's still a chance she'll survive."

"But it's slim, very slim, Esme. I can't take that chance."

"So what are you suggesting?" I demanded to my children's faces of shock.

Never had we argued like this. However, this... problem...had caused many cracks to appear.

"Abortion."

Alice bowed her head and Jasper, although it was in vain, tried to calm me down. Edward nodded and Carlisle kept his eyes traced on me, Emmett who was sat without his partner look between his two parental figures, his face clearly unsure of what he should do.

Keeping my eyes on him I let my chair slip back so I could stand. I glared at my husband and his eyes sparked with pain.

"You are my husband, Carlisle, and I will stand by you in everything you do. Everything, but this."

I walked towards the door, stopping when his voice called out my name.

"Esme!"

"I can't, Carlisle," I responded, simply, my voice shaking with the effort to not turn round. "You know my feelings. I just can't stand by and watch it happen."

"Please."

I inhaled deeply, ignoring his broken tone and walking from the kitchen and away from my husband to the living room.

"Esme?" Bella's small voice invited me over.

"Bella, how are you?"

Looking at her so frail and ill made my heart ache.

"How am I?" She repeated, her eyes locking with mine. "Don't you think the question should really be how you are?"

I dropped my gaze and my hair fell over my face. "It's difficult, that's all."

"I can do this, Esme."

Looking at her in such a fragile place, I had my doubts. But I knew Bella was mentally strong, and that would carry her on. She already loved the baby already, much like myself when I was pregnant with my son.

"I know you can," I assured her, walking over to where Rosalie was previously sat and taking her hand.

"But you and Carlisle," she replied, her voice barely a whisper. "I can't believe you're arguing like this, I can't believe I've made you set apart against each other."

I closed my eyes and she applied pressure to my hand, albeit weakly.

"You're not setting us apart, Bella. Don't you ever think that. It's just Carlisle and I contrast in our beliefs. He's a doctor, he's thinking from medical terms, and however much I may want to deny him, I know he's correct. I, however, was – am – a mother, and unlike Carlisle, I know what it's like to lose something you've already grown to love."

I met her eyes, smiling and placing a kiss on her forehead.

"You need rest, Bella."

"And you need to come to an agreement with Carlisle."

I nodded sadly. "I hope so."

Bella gave me a weak smile as Rosalie appeared by her side again and Edward beside her.

"You're decision?"

Edward's eyes were hard as he glared at me. "Carlisle can't go against you, Esme."

I let out a shaky breath; it wasn't relieved, nor was I satisfied.

"Confused?" Edward questioned, slight sarcasm in his tone.

"Naturally, you would understand."

I drifted silently past my son, placing a hand on his shoulder.

_I'm sorry._

He didn't acknowledge my thought and so I let myself wander back towards the kitchen to find Carlisle.

"He went upstairs," Emmett spoke softly. "To...think."

I ran both hands through my hair and he came to stand in front of me. "I've hurt him, haven't I?"

He placed his huge hands around my small wrists, pulling them away from my face.

"Just go and find him."

I dropped my head and he lifted my chin with his finger. "Trust me."

Giving Emmett a weak smile, I took his advice, creeping up the stairs slowly to Carlisle's study.

Everything seemed deadly quiet up here. The only sound cutting through the silence was that of my Husband's agitated steps. The heels of his shoes clicked impatiently and quickly on his paned wooden floor boards before a chair scraped across the floor and I heard his laptop shut with a small click.

I knocked tenderly on the door, yet was given no reply.

"C-Carlisle?" My voice cracked, and muffled sobs floated from Carlisle's study. "Please, can I come in."

Again, there was no reply. I let myself in, and there he was, my Husband. Stacks of paper work suffocated him. His head was in his hand and he was face down on the table as sobs wracked his body.

_No, no, no._

"Carlisle, no, darling." My words were lost as I watched the scene play out in front of me.

My feet moved of their own accord and I knelt beside him, my chest cramping with pain.

"I c-can't do this anymore, Esme," he sobbed.

I had never seen Carlisle, my husband, my rock, my life so vulnerable. He was usually the optimistic one, the one who saw good, hope, in everyone and everything. Now, he was reduced to this.

"Yes, you can," I soothed, placing my hands on his arms.

"No, I can't! No-one's with me! I can't describe it! How can I make a decision when my other half is completely against me? How can I hurt you? But Edward, Edward's so angry. Why, why us? Why me?"

"You're doing so well, my love, so well. Don't give up now, we need you."

"There's nothing!" He threw his hands out away from his face, pushing himself up, his face crinkled with tears he couldn't cry. "I've searched and searched and there's no solution! She'll die and all I can do is watch! I'm a doctor, Esme. I'm a bloody doctor and I can do n-nothing!"

Carlisle looked so tired. His eyes held so much indecision and hurt. I wish I could just kiss his pain away, but I couldn't.

"Come here."

His black orbs met mine as I erected myself, pulling him with me. He Was like a ragdoll, weightless as he fell into my awaiting arms.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I allowed myself to reach up to the stereo and soft music sounded throughout the room. The piano was so peaceful.

"I'm sorry," I breathed into his ear.

We proceeded in a slow dance around the study, still, however, clinging onto each other for dear life. Carlisle may be 6 foot 2, but today it him that needed support.

"I'm sorry, too," Carlisle whispered back, stroking my hair. "I didn't think how hard this would be for you."

"And I, I was irrational. I should have thought about the position you were in."

Carlisle grasped my hand and spun me around before pulling me into his body, kissing my cheek.

"We can't be like this, Carlisle. We're not made to be like this."

We were swaying now, slowly and softly, swaying on the spot, the music slowing down, his hands travelling down my body, the familiar sparks igniting.

"I just wish I could help you, everyone."

I cupped his face and he gave me a small but sorrowful smile.

"We'll take it day by day, yes?"

"That's all we can do."

And although we were still unsure about everything, this one moment of bliss took all the pain and troubles away.

I was in my lover's arms, and he was in his, and nothing could ruin that.

"I'll support you, Carlisle. I can see how hard it is for you, but you need me."

"Thank you."

I twisted round in his arms to face him, kissing his lips as his hold tightened. Resting my chin on his shoulder, I let him lead the turmoil away until it melted into nothingness and all that was left was the comforting feeling of being held in your lover's embrace.

**A/N – I saw "Breaking Dawn" yesterday, and it was pretty good. To be honest, I think they could have chosen a better director, but that's just my opinion. And guess what? Esme and Carlisle got some SCREEN TIME!**

**Did you see them at the wedding? Adorable! And when they were waiting for Bella to wake up. Just the sweetest, most cutest couple ever! Also, which wasn't in the book was Carlisle, Esme and Emmett's hunting scene. That was epic as well. Seriously, I felt so bad for Esme then; I mean she doesn't want to harm anyone and she nearly gets killed! Go Emmett for saving her and Carlisle!**

**Anyways, I don't think they showed enough angst for the rest of the characters. Jacob and Edward were full of it, but the other characters were more blended into the background a little. I mean Jasper only got like one line in the entire movie.**

**So, after probably the longest Author's note I've ever done, I would just like to say that if you enjoyed this, Please Review! **

**Thanks, Katie1995 :)**


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